Baaad rap…
Yesterday, forty-two year old Jeffery Haynes pleaded no contest to the charge of sodomy, involving a sheep at Bedford Township, Michigan, on 26 January 2005. The owner of the sheep caught Jeff in the act and claims the sheep was injured during the incident. Mr. Haynes will be registered as a sex-offender with the Michigan State Police Public Sex Offender Registry after serving his time in prison, anywhere from two-and-a-half years to twenty.
Jeff says registering him as a sex-offender puts him in the same category as a paedophile, a register of people that have committed crimes against humans. "The prosecutor is being real hard on me for what I did," Haynes said, “But I should not be treated as a child molester." Haynes, who has prior convictions for burglary, home invasion, uttering and publishing, and was on parole for burglary at the time of the alleged sex-crime, was arrested in June after a DNA sample taken from the animal matched Haynes' genetic material.
Authorites are also checking to see if Mr. Haynes had recently visited New Zealand or had any other connections with family or friends from the Kiwi nation.

Fast Eddie isn’t going to like these results…
Old Bert was paid a small fortune to come back into the fold of Network 9 in the hopes of luring viewers away from Channel 7’s Deal or No Deal and too hopefully keep the audience glued to Channel 9 for the 6 p.m. News. Eddie McGuire, new CEO at 9, wants to lure the older viewers to his network, so “Old” Bert’s contract with the 10 Network was bought, the promos started, all it seems, to no avail. Chubbier and smuttier than we remembered, Bert Newton pulled had a viewing audience of only 670,000 in the mainland capitals, while game show host Andrew O'Keefe, with guest Australian Rock guru Molly Meldrum pulled 839,000 for Deal or No Deal, and Ten's early news beat both game shows with 901,000. To top it all off, Fast Eddies program, Who Wants To Be A Millionaire only managed to pull 1.2 million viewers compared to 1.5 million this time last year. This is the message Eddie McGuire didn't want as he started off on his new position at the top of the Nine Network. (Millionaire did, however, beat Desperate Housewives with viewers over the age of 55.
According to the official figures:
· 7’s prime-time audience share was 32.3 per cent
· 10 was at 20.4%
· 9 managed 27 per cent
This was how Australia watched on day two of the official ratings season:
1. Desperate Housewives (7) 1.9 million
2. Today Tonight (7) 1.6 million
3. Seven News (7) 1.4 million
4. The Biggest Loser (10) 1.4 million
5. Home and Away (7) 1.4 million
6. Nine News (9) 1.3 million
7. 20 to 1 (9) 1.2 million
8. A Current Affair (9) 1.2 million
9. Who Wants to be a Millionaire (9) 1.2 million
10. Winter Olympics (7) 1.1 million.

On the lighter side of Life…
Definition of a drunk – a person with a sobriety-challenged behavioural condition.

Here Kitty, Kitty, Kitty...
A survey carried out by the Korean Consumer Protection Board has rated Computer mouses found in Internet (Cyber) Cafes second as the most bacteria-infested items in a long list of commonly touched objects, claiming an average of 690 CFU - more than twice the concentration found on doorknobs and handles in public toilets. Supermarket shopping trolleys are the worst of the culprits, containing 1100 colony forming units (CFU) of bacteria per 10 sq cm. The detected bugs include all kinds of bacteria including pathogenic ones. Examined by the KCPB were hand straps on buses and trains, toilet doorknobs, lift buttons in department stores, handles of shopping carts and 20 mouses at four internet cafes. Of course everyone is taught the best way to stop the spread of infectious diseases by hand contact, is to wash your hands with soap, but according to the survey only 77% of people are aware of the importance of washing hands and only 47.9 per cent actually bothered to wash them.
Dirty half-dozen culprits:
1. Shopping trolley handles – 1100 CFU per 10 sq cm
2. Internet Café computer mouse – 690
3. Bus hand-straps – 380
4. Public Toilets handles and door knobs – 340
5. Lift Buttons – 130
6. Train hand-straps - 86

Remember the “recalcitrant” Prime Minister…
Prime Minister Mahathir Mohamed, ex-Prime Minister of Malaysia decided, back in 2002, he wanted to meet George W, not an easy task for a man who ran a government that had a tarnished image and who really wasn’t the flavour of the month at the time. Mohamed didn’t really know how to go about arranging a meeting with the worlds busiest executive so he allegedly hired lobbyist Jack Abramoff for the princely sum of $1.2 U.S. million dollars to arrange a meeting Oval Office. This was going to be a challenge as President Bill Clinton had chastised the Malaysian administration for anti-Semitic statements and for jailing his political opponents.
So, in May 2002, the Malaysian leader met Mr Bush in the Oval Office, photographs were beamed around the world by different news services, Jack got paid his princely sum and all was well, that is until the Senate investigators got wind of this deal.
It would seem that Mr. Abramoff is clearly in more trouble than first thought and investigations into his shenanigans will continue for a long time to come.

News from the Bat Cave…
We all knew it would come to this, a comic-book hero saving the western world from al-Qaeda. Yes, Batman is going to kick arse, according to Batman Writer Frank Miller. But will we see it on the big silver screen? So far this idea is from Mr. Miller’s new novel, “Holy Terror, Batman!”
(Hey Frank, I think you might want to work on the title just a wee bit.)
This novel is not only a great piece of (western) propaganda but also a gut reaction of what’s happening now and will be a “reminder to people who seem to have forgotten who we’re up against.” Mr. Miller stated, "It just seems silly to chase around the Riddler when you've got al-Qaeda out there."
Here’s how it should read, “Batman's hometown of Gotham City is attacked by terrorists, and the Caped Crusader sets out to settle the score.”
Frank posted his comments on the web on the entertainment site IGN.com.
“Holy bath-time Batman! Our towels have been stolen…”
By the way no scheduled publication date has been announced for the finished project.

Tell me something I didn’t already know…
A new worldwide survey tells us Australians favour China’s global influence and more than ever feel a little hostility towards the United States, Canberra's key ally. Foreign Policy, an influential US magazine describes The United States as "red, white and booed", noting: "The United State’s standing dropped sharply as a result of the Iraq war.” The good news for American is that “it hasn't hit rock bottom, yet." Results of the poll show only 29 per cent of Australians had a "mainly positive" attitude towards the US, while 60 per cent were "mainly negative" and 11 per cent undecided. Figures are down a little from last years poll that found only 40 per cent of Australians were positive about the US. And here is some more bad news; America's popularity also fell, but less sharply, among allies such as Britain and South Korea. Executive Director of the Lowy Institute for International Policy, Allan Gyngell, stated, "The Bush Administration is a very difficult export for the US … and you can see the same responses in other liberal democracies." Participants in the survey were inclined to have a more benign attitude towards China. "When you are the world's superpower and the focus of attention is upon you, then all these [critical] issues like the Abu Ghraib torture photos get circulated globally," Mr. Gyngell said, although he feels that many Aussies still pragmatically support our security alliance with the US, despite their misgivings. And of course, the latest offering of photos first published on Australia’s SBS Television Network News and currently being broadcast by the Arab's on their television networks isn’t helping the Yanks profile one little bit. Mr Gyngell said, “instant global communications, like the internet, SMS and satellite TV, meant governments had to recognise that all diplomacy was now public diplomacy.”

Did you know, Germans really do have a sense of humour… Here you go, a new cartoon depicting an Iranian footy team, dressed as suicide bombers, is sure to open a new front in the row over caricatures of the Prophet Muhammad which were published in Danish newspapers. German newspaper Der Tagesspiegel has published the cartoon and the Iranian Embassy has demanded an immediate apology. Showing four Iranian players at this year's World Cup in Germany with explosives attached to their chests, the caption read: "Why the German Army should definitely be used during the football World Cup." In Iran, scores of protesters hurled petrol bombs and stones at the British and German embassies in Tehran. The official IRNA news agency announced that Danish pastries had been renamed roses of the Prophet Muhammad.

“High as a kite”. What a way to go…
As the argument for a humane way to end a convicted prisoners life rages on, U.S. District Judge (California) Jeremy Fogel stated, in a 15-page ruling, death row inmate Michael Morales', scheduled to die by lethal injection 21 February in San Quentin Prison must ensure Morales is administered a fatal dose of sedatives exclusively or have an anaesthesiologist present to ensure that Morales is unconscious before they deliver the standard mix of sedatives, paralytic agents and heart-stopping chemicals. The argument has been that lethal injection may cause excessive pain. "This is the first time a federal judge has concluded that there is substantial evidence that people may be suffering pain during the lethal injection process.
Judge Fogel noted that in six of the past 13 executions something went wrong," she said, "and there is reason to believe that in those six cases, people were suffering." "It is hoped that the remedy ordered by this federal court in this case will be a one-time event," said Fogel, of the U.S. District Court in San Jose. Natasha Minsker, Director of Death Penalty Policy for the American Civil Liberties Union in Northern California has stated, "This is the first time a federal judge has concluded that there is substantial evidence that people may be suffering pain during the lethal injection process."
California State corrections officials have until Thursday to decide whether to accept Judge Fogel's proposal of using sedatives, or until today, to select an anaesthesiologist. Morales would have until Thursday to comment on the medical professional who is chosen.

I'll keep you posted on further developments.