Some Saturday Insanity

With Valentine's Day just around the corner you might be excused for thinking everyone looks forward to this day, a day when really good friends and loved ones remember to give you flowers and chocolates, make dates for romantic candle-lit dinners at expensive restaurants and would rather be home with you in bed rather than sitting in the lounge room watching sports on a wide-screen plasma television with surround-sound. WRONG!
Many people hate Valentine's Day, and with good reason, because their partner, out of thoughtlessness, forgetfulness, carelessness or some completely different reason just doesn't come through with the goodies. Ouch! That can hurt, and it dosen't matter whether you are a man or woman.
Maybe the relationship is cruising over stormy waters, perhaps a third person is in the equation. Truth be told, Valentines Day makes a lot of people feel inadequate. Some would rather have a huge boil in the middle of their forehead and go through the pain of having a doctor lance it without anaesthetic than being made to feel inadequate.
One bloke, Bennett Madison even wrote a book about February 14 entitled, "I Hate Valentine's Day" (onya Ben!).
Another author who wrote, "He's Just Not That Into You" recently phoned directory assistance to get a phone number of a department store and was confronted by a recording that stated, "Happy Valentines Day!", a greeting this 43-year old single woman did not want to hear.
Even people committed in a loving relationship can have a rotten day on Feb. 14 as some question why the entire year can't be as good as Valentine's Day. Cupid can start an awful lot of fires as surley as some people setting themselves up for a fall.
And get this little tid-bit of info, the month of February is peak season for computer dating. Yes, more contacts are made on the web during this time of the year than any other, "5.5 to 6 million people visit Yahoo Personals every month" according to spokeswoman for Yahoo, Rochelle Adams. This figure swings dramatically upwards during February.
You might be better off on Valentine's Day showing your affection to a pet, perhaps a platonic friend, your mother (or father, whatever works for you) or even yourself. You could wallow in your depression though. That might work! Get out the pictures of all your lost loves, play the soppiest music you can get your hands on, read a love story where others find happiness or watch a really sad movie surrounding yourself with popcorn, chocolates, a bottle of vodka or champagne (or both) while wearing your pink fluffy slippers and old tattered bathrobe and having a box of tissues next too you.
Hey Cupie, go on, take a hike!

Throw another Shrimp on the barbie...

Can you believe that a woman sued a restaurant chain of $14.5 U.S. dollars claiming that her husband's death was caused by a flying shrimp, tossed by a chef at a Japanese Steakhouse Restaurant back in January of 2001.
A jury, after two hours deliberation, found in favour of the Benihana Japanese Steakhouse chain, dismissing her claim.
The suit claimed Jerry Colaitis wrenched his neck ducking a piece of flying shrimp tossed by a chef while attending a family birthday get together at a Benihana Steakhouse Restaurant. The wife claims that shrimp continued to fly even after asking the chef three times to stop throwing food. She also claimed that Jerry's arm went numb soon after, then 5 months later went to hospital for surgery and died of complications, namely a high fever.
Benihana Chief Chef Toro Hasagewa stated that throwing food at customers had become commonplace after the release of a Jackie Chan movie in the 1990's, that customers expected this sort of behaviour. Besides, the tips are much bigger for a good flying shrimp food spectacular.
Another one for the barbie.

You just gotta love Aussie pollies...

Morris Iemma (pronounced ye-man), the new Premier of New South Wales, Australia, is a bloke that says it like it is, yes, calls a fuckwit a fuckwit when he is.
Yesterday, during a break at the COAG meeting in Canberra yesterday, unaware that microphones were still hot and active, Premier Iemma was speaking with Steve Bracks, Premier of Victoria, about the replacement of Peter Sansom by Graham Mulligan as CEO of CrossCity Motorway Pty Ltd, the company responsible for building a 2.1 kilometre tollway that has angered inner-city residents and motorists due to traffic changes to accommodate the under the Cross City Tunnel.
Premier Iemma called Mr. Mulligan a "fuckwit", saying the comment was prompted by frustrations he shared with the community over the Cross City Tunnel's attitude towards the difficulties faced by motorists.
Naturally, as soon as Morris realised he was still live-to-air he immediately apologised for his offensive remark and said it was made between himself and his Victorian colleague and not intended for broadcast.
Still, how do you think the new CEO feels this morning after reading his morning newspaper and watching and listening to various news programs?
The bad news about all of this is that two weeks ago Premier Iemma backed NSW Chief Justice James Spigelman, who lamented "the boorish behaviour in (our) society" and also stating that "we need to tackle educational and social issues, starting with greater respect for other people".
Hey Iemma, you silly f...wit!

Some Saturday Humour...

A very good friend of mine from Newcastle, NSW sent me an email yesterday and I just wanted to pass this on, hoping you'll get a smile out of

Some Little Known Facts Of Life...

1. If you yelled for 8 years, 7 months and 6 days you would have produced enough sound energy to heat one cup of coffee. (Hardly seems worth it!)
2. If you farted consistently for 6 years 9 months, you would produce enough gas to create the energy of an atomic bomb. (That's more like it!)
3. The human heart creates enough pressure when it pumps blood to the body to squirt blood over 10 metres from an open arterial wound. (OMG!)
4. A pig's orgasm can last up to thirty-minutes. (In my next life I want to be a pig!)
5. A cockroach will live up to nine days without its head before it starves to death. (How creepy is this fact, but I'm still not over the pig.)
6. Banging your head against the wall uses approximately 150 calories per hour. (You might want to try this at work instead of at home and really, it's not a good way to lose those extra pounds.)
7. The praying mantis cannot copulate while its head is attached so the female mantis helps initiate sex by ripping the males head off. (Hi Honey, I'm home. What the f...? Hey, pig or mantis? I reckon being a pig wins by miles.)
8. A catfish has over 27,000 taste buds. (What could possibly be that yummy at the bottom of the pond?)
9. A flea can jump 350 times its body length. The equivalent is a human jumping the length of a grid-iron football field. (30-minutes eh? Can you imagine! Lucky pig!!)
10. The King of the Beasts, the male lion can mate over 50 times in a single day. (I think I still want to be a pig in my next life, you know, quality over quantity.)
11. Butterflies taste with their feet. (So what do you get if you clone a pig and a lion?)
12. The strongest body in the human body is the tongue. (A lot of my girlfriends already found that out hanging with me.)
13. Right-handed people live, on average, nine years longer than left-handed people. (So if one is ambidextrous, do we spit the difference?)
14. Elephants are the only animals that cannot jump. (I feel this is a good thing.)
15. A cat's urine glows under a black-light. (I wonder who got paid how much to do this research.)
16. An ostrich's eye is bigger than its brain. (Hey, I know some people like that!)
17. Starfish have no brains. (Ditto to the above!!)
18. All polar bears are left-handed. (You realise of course that if they switch hands they will live nine years longer.)
19. Humans, goats, some species of monkey and dolphins have sex for pleasure. (What about the pig?)
20. It takes more muscles to frown than to smile and humans are the only animals that smile because they like something. (If I was a pig you couldn't wipe the smile off my face!)
Thanks Cindy!

FYI - Cindy is a extraordainairy good looking woman with a heart of gold and a personality to match.

Earth to all politicians...do you read me?

Currently in Australia the debate of RU486, a pill that delivers instant miscarriage, is raging, not about abortion or it's legality, but rather who has the right to control this drug.
Currently the Federal Health Minister, Tony Abbott, has the say about who gets what instead of the pharmaceutical body set up to monitor and approve who gets what drugs. As Tony Abbott is a devout Catholic, it has been claimed his attitude towards his control of the drug is biased and based on his religious beliefs.
Australian Greens Senator Kerry Nettle even wore a t-shirt that stated, "Mr. Abbott, get your rosaries off my ovaries".

Prime Minister (Wheat bag Johnny) Howard said the apparel was deeply offensive to Catholics everywhere and was nothing more than a school girl stunt.
The way I see it (not that my opinion really counts or even matters) is this should be a decision for the pharmaceutical people to control dispensation, not government ministers, with the choice of taking this medication a woman's decision (not men), after consultation with a medical professionals, friends and family.
By the way, the offending t-shirt in question was sponsored by the Young Women's Christian Association.
You go girls!

While we're there...

Hard to believe, but true, Madonna (the singer) has outraged Catholics around the world by having her picture overlayed (transposed) over the photos of the sacred icon, the Black Madonna (The Virgin Mary) and a photo of one of her children transposed over the face of the baby Christ, on the cover of a magazine which hit the newsstands yesterday.
What in God's name were her publicists thinking of? Haven't we seen what mocking religious beliefs and icons can do?
It would appear the Polish Paulinian Monks, located at the Jasna Gora Monastery, in the southern City of Czestochowa, somewhere in Poland, are a little concerned over this publication as they are the custodians and guardians of the sacred icon, which, by the way hasn't been seen for the last couple of years as there was a hiatus imposed on publication of the painting by St Luke, the Evangelist.

These Monks have protected this painting since 1382. So you can imagine the furore over the pop diva and appreciate how upset these Monks are. After all there is a lot of history associated with this religious icon.
I've gotta tell you, there is a lot of history associated with Madonna the singer and it isn't all that good.
Hey guys, keep up the Faith!

And he does this with a straight face...

George W...at it again, I swear!
Now let's see if I've got this straight George W. The master plan was to hijack an aircraft using southeast-Asian extremists, who are going to blow the door open to the cockpit of a pressurised aircraft, with a shoe-bomb, then take control of said aircraft and fly it into the tallest building in Los Angeles, the Liberty Tower, back in 2002. Have I got all the facts straight Mr. President?
First of all George W, you got some of your facts wrong, according to your aides. You said the "Liberty Tower" when in fact you meant the Library Tower.
You also want us to believe that nine other devious plots (he's seeing reds under the beds again!) hatched by al-Qaeda have been disrupted and foiled.
Now George W, have you noticed any growth in the length of your nose in the last couple of hours?
Is this just a ploy to get us to believe you are right in unlawfully listening to our phone conversations and reading our emails? (Hey George W, if you're reading this blog, can you give me a sign!)

Idol...Grammy's...Idol...Grammy's...and the winner is...

Producers of the Grammy's would not have been to happy with the ratings taken during their telecast in the past couple of days.
The results are in:
Grammy's - You are boring!
Idol - Congratulations! You are the big winner.
At least according to Nielsen Media Research. Idol attracted 28.3 million viewers while the Grammy's attracted 15.1 million. That's a total of 43.4 million television viewers that have nothing better to do with their lives than sit in a couch potato position watching a flickering screen.
Hey, how about spending a little time talking to your loved ones and families.

In parting for the day I just wanted to let you know that Sunday is not a day of rest for a committed blogger. There should be some more whacky tacky stuff happenihg sometime during the next twenty-four hours. If you would like to contact me directly please do so: albert.leslie@gmail.com

Tomorrow then...